he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
