Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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