Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
