I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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