Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
