This is not my ceiling
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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