There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
