Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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