Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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