I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
