Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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