omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
