just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
