Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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