She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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