I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
