My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
then he tried to convert me to islam
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
