TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
