nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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