I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
