After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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