that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
FUCK WHALES
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
