honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
