Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
