You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
