I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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