Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
