It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
