i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize