i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I cut my penus on the lid.
either way he was missing a nipple.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
