This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
