you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
