I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
