Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
