I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
