I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
