I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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