So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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