I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
