Sry I called you an 8
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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