o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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