ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
