Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
