the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Randomize
