Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize