I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Boobs speak an international language.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
