I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
