I think my fart just growled at me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize