I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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