her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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