I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
