White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
