Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
