I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
