I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
