Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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