Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
