I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
