Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
