I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
