Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
