I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize