Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
