He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
