it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
