I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
