Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
