he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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