I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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