My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
