Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
