why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
