Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
