i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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