I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
