At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
