So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
