jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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