Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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