Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
