Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
