Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
