i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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