i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We left the knife in your bed.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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