I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
