1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
