She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
