I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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