took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
