I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
